I hate you yet I love you
by kurai ren
Summary: They think of me as fool...You shall regret this...I ll become the strongest empire and have you bow down to me...Anata ga kirai desu...Arthur-san... warning: some historical events. sad Kiku, but happy ending
1. Hospital

**I hate you yet I love you**

**Inspired by the:**

**Anglo-Japanese Alliance**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own hetalia they belong to ****Hidekaz Himaruya**

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**Lying inside the hospital room was an injured man with black hair and white skin, his eyes were closed. His chest was covered in bandages and so was his right arm there are some scars on his face and his head is also wrapped up his mouth was covered by an oxygen mask, his breathing is light and slow.**

"_Ne ne Doitsu will Japan be alright?"_

"_Y-yes o-of course he will be fine..."_

**The door suddenly opens, four people enter...**

"_Is he alright? Oh my god what have I done..."_

"_K-Kiku are you awake aru?"_

"_His eyes are closed and he doesn`t seem to move da"_

"_oui, I think he`s alright though"_

**he can hear them yet cannot move, yes he`s alive yet it`s like his soul has died, he only allows himself to watch as painful memories flood into his mind, the memories of the man he loved the most and how he became a monster at war.**

"_Hey America where is he? Isn`t he supposed to be worried?"_

"_Cut him some slack he isn`t taking this easy you know"_

"_oui, but I think he should at least see how he`s doing"_

"_I don`t want that man near my precious Kiku aru"_

"_Ne ne but I mean they still have feelings for each other...right?"_

"_Who knows ...Maybe I mean I think that is what drove Japan crazy da"_

**Those were true, he became berserk when all he wanted was the love he thought he had, but disappointingly he sacrificed almost everything for him only to be used as such, like a little toy once he`s bored he`ll throw it away.**

"_I`m sure he has his reasons..."_

"_but the poor thing to be drove out of sanity for something such as this it`s heart breaking, non?"_

"_But love is something that cannot be stopped ~ve"_

"_Aiya but he should have found someone else that __sī shēn__ɡ__ z__ǐ__"_

"_Now china you can`t stop his heart...until you tear it out da"_

"_Well I guess that old man should have at least take a peek"_

**The door opens, another person enters...**

"_Speak of the devil! You dare come here now look what you`ve done to him!"_

"_China calm down..."_

"_oui! Just calm down mon cher don`t be rash we don`t want to wake up Japan, non?"_

"_Yeah! Franc-nii is right calm down now ~ve"_

"_China don`t kill him here...Do it outside...da"_

"_Russia! you`re not helping! c`mon guys calm down..."_

**Someone is approaching, he sits beside him while the others calm the other one down he strokes his fragile hand, he looks into his face, and he slowly kissed his forehead.**

"_K-Kiku...hey look I brought Chrysanthemums...didn`t you tell me that`s what your name means...they're very pretty"_

**A tear has dripped unto his hand.**

"_K-Kiku I`m sorry please wake up..."_

**The tears began pouring, his hand was getting wet.**

"_Kiku please wake up..."_

**His voice is now shaky and full of worry.**

"_Kiku I know you won`t forgive me... I can accept that...as long as you don`t die..."_

**He slowly kisses the hand and strokes it gently.**

"_I love you..."_

**But still the person does not open his eyes he does not move he does not speak it`s like he has already died yet still breathing...**

_That voice..._

_The voice that used to bring me such joy..._

_The voice that I`ve grown to Hate..._

**the man can hear them yet he does not move he`s thinking to himself, drowning himself in the memories he has remembered...**

* * *

**so basically the allied and the axis came to visit Kiku...**

**Arthur was the last to arrive...**

**for some reason it was his fault**

_**Translations:**_

_**mon cher –my dear (French)**_

_**oui – yes (French)**_

_**sī shēn**__**ɡ**__** z**__**ǐ**__** – bastard (Chinese)**_


	2. Temptation

**Inspired by the:**

**Anglo-Japanese Alliance**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own hetalia they belong to ****Hidekaz Himaruya**

**Warning: there are some lines from the manga in this chapter**

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Night at China`s house seems nosier than before, not because of his siblings but his visitors, two men has come from the Britain but the most noticeable on has Messy blond hair, Green eyes and Bushy eyebrows, this man is known as England the human representation of the country U.K., they have come to trade with china.

"So how do you like our trade Sir China?" the other man asked.

"It`s fine I guess" he replied as smoke came out of his pipe, the smell of opium filled the air of the room.

"...O-_Onii-san_ I`ve brought the tea you asked for"

England looked as the sliding door slowly opened to reveal a short man with black hair and dark brown eyes came in, he was holding a tray with tea, he set it down on the small table at the centre of the room.

"Please excuse me..." he said as he left.

Japan Never like those people he keeps saying to himself that they are mocking them, but as respect he kept his feelings to himself and just quietly walked away from the room, he went out to the front porch and decided to look at the stars, minutes later somebody followed him.

"Hey you're Japan `am I correct?"

He turned around and noticed the British man he knew not to disrespect their guest and bowed his head.

"May I help you with something England-san" he asked trying to hide away his emotions.

"no I just want to talk for a while that`s all" he replied.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"How beautiful the stars are tonight maybe?"

After a while Japan suddenly felt close to the other nation, his face blushes whenever the other speaks he hates to admit it but they really enjoyed their talk, hours have passed and his company has come out.

"England we are to leave now" he looked at the other but didn`t bother.

"Yes sir" England replied "well it was nice meeting you Japan"

"Likewise England-san" the other replied bowing his head

England got in the carriage and left; Japan watched as the green eyed man left and looked back at the stars.

the next visit England slowly tried to gain the other`s affection ever since, and soon on one of their visits he decided to talk it over Japan.

"Japan why don`t you leave china alone and have an alliance with me..." England suggested the second they became alone.

"b-but England-san I cannot do such thing he`s my brother...my family I cannot just abandon him..." Japan replied looking down at the floor.

England bit his lip he`s feeling guilty but he knows he can`t let emotions take control.

"Look he`s falling and if he`s family why are you the only one who takes responsibility...I mean look at him he`s just sitting there smoking opium..."

Kiku lift his head, he felt frustrated and angered at the same time, "this man dare say that to me when he`s the one who traded opium to my brother" he thought to himself.

"How dare you say such things first you made him addicted to opium then you made him trade with you for opium now...you`re saying he`s worthless because he`s smoking opium" Japan was clenching his fist and trying so hard to be calm as possible "he wouldn't be like that if you haven`t done it to him..."

"Why don`t we become partners..."

"Don`t say it I`m not going be a fool like chigoku..." he murmured

"please Japan think about it he`s been keeping you all in this cage for what... " he slowly approached him but the other backed away. "Don`t you want to taste freedom..."

the other still has he`s eyes fixed on the floor still not looking up, England tried to approach but still the other backed away.

"You know...I like you..." he said as he moved closer.

this time the Asian froze on the spot so he took the opportunity and lifted the other`s face so they can make eye contact, Japan's face has a light shade of red across it now, the Asian felt his heart almost breaking his rib cage it was beating fast he can`t stop looking at the other`s intimidating eyes.

"So Japan form an alliance with me and break away from this man"

"...S-_Sumimasen_..."

"You know you`re a powerful country..."

"..."

"I know you can make it without China" he smiled at him "... I know you`ll make a perfect Empire..."

He let go of Japan and went back inside leaving the other lost in thought

* * *

"_I know you`ll make a perfect empire"_

Those words keep ringing into his head even after their meeting, he can`t seem to forget those words.

"_Why don`t we become partners..."_

He wants to be partners but he cannot leave china.

"_please Japan think about it he`s been keeping you all in this cage for what... "_

He has been kept in this cage for a long time but what was the purpose.

"_Don`t you want to taste freedom..."_

Yes he wants freedom.

"_You know...I like you..."_

Japan felt his heart jumping, he knows he`s falling for that English man but still...

it`s been months and still he`s thinking whether or not to leave his brother for an alliance with the British, so he decided to talk to china alone.

"Yao-nii-san..." Japan came knocking in his brother`s room.

"Oh Kiku why are you still up" china was drinking tea in the middle of the room "well anyway would you like some tea"

"Brother please I would like to be independent..."

China almost spitted out his tea when he heard what Kiku just said "What! Kiku...no I won`t allow it you are to be under my care...!" He yelled

"But please understand I`m not a child-"

"I have enough...Kiku you are not to speak of this again"

"but Yao..." he grabbed his brother`s arm in return he got slapped on his left cheek.

"I TOLD YOU TO NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!"

Japan only nodded his head; unfortunately the children heard their yells and woke up.

"Yao-nii...Kiku-nii...why are you yelling" a sleepy Taiwan came in behind he is Hong Kong and Korea.

"Nothing please excuse me..." Japan said before walking towards them "did our yells wake you up? Now time to go back to sleep..." he carried Hong Kong the youngest amongst his siblings while the other two follow suit.

* * *

for months he Slowly he planned out how to escape and there was one answer, he wore his black uniform and held his katana he was shaking a bit but he has prepared himself, after some persuasion china has allowed Kiku on his own but he`s still under his care, but it was part of the plan anyway.

one night Kiku slowly walked the path to china`s house once he reached the door he hesitated a bit but knocked on the door.

"aiya wait a moment aru..."

Japan felt nervous he wanted to turn back and just forget all about this but something was stopping him.

"_I know you`ll make a perfect empire"_

Those words always ring in his head, moments later China has opened the door.

"Aiya Kiku what are you doing at this late night aru? Come in I`ve just made some zongzi aru"

"Forgive me"

He held his Katana tightly slowly lifting it up.

"Why are holding such dangerous thing its dangerous a-"

He unsheathe his katana, he was feeling regret but it`s too late now.

"W-why are pointing it at me aru? Japan! Stop it aru"

He charged forward holding the blade at hand.

"What are you-ahhhhhhhhhh"

China was able to turn around but now has a long slash across his back; he fell down kneeling in front of Japan, his back was bleeding, he was slowly feeling weak from blood lost. Japan has sheathe his Katana even if it was soaked in his brother`s blood, he slowly walked away passing the one he calls _Onii-san_.

"K-Kiku..."

_He stopped walking to listen to what must be said._

"At least tell me...why have you done this?..."

_He felt guilt rising, it was for his freedom; no it was for England..._

"It was necessary" he finally spoke "so we`ll have a reason to fight in this war..."

_He continued walking._

"WAIT!"

_Just keep walking_

"JAPAN!"

_Don`t turn back_

"JAPAN!"

_Please don`t let my heart betray me._

"I can`t do this...I don`t want to do this!..."

_Just pretend I can`t hear_

"Kiku...JU HUA!"

_That...name..._

"Come on you`re a good boy..."

_Please stop it_

"Come back to nii-san..."

_Please don`t torture me like this_

"Ju Hua...I`ll forgive you, please just don`t leave your Ge Ge..."

"Stop it...I have enough of this if you don`t want to battle please raise your flag!.."

"But Ju Hua..."

"I said stop it Ju Hua IS DEAD! I`m Japan and you`re china...now just stop it!"

He started to walk again never turning back but his tears are streaming from his eyes, he can`t seem to stop his tears even until he has returned to his home...

* * *

_**Translations:**_

_**Onii-san – big brother/brother (Japanese)**_

_**Ju Hua –**__** Chrysanthemums**__** ( Kiku`s name in Chinese since Kiku means **__**Chrysanthemums)**_

_**Ge Ge – big brother/ brother (Chinese)**_

_**chigoku – china (Japanese)**_

_**Sumimasen – Pardon me/I`m sorry (Japanese)**_

_**I got some info on a manga I read it was about after the incident...**_

_**if some lines are similar to you then that`s it those are the lines**_

_**I do not own those lines nor Hetalia **_

_**I only used them for this fanfic...**_


	3. Treaty

**Inspired by the:**

**Anglo-Japanese Alliance**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own hetalia they belong to ****Hidekaz Himaruya**

**Warning: there are some historical facts in this chapter...  
**

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After a few years he was able to make up his mind and decided on signing a treaty with England, the signing was held in London both countries has signed it and soon they were allies, Japan would help England while England would help him.

After the little help received from the Russo-Japanese war, at World War 1 England has a favour at hand

"Japan...so nice of you to come..." he said looking up from the book he`s been reading.

"It`s fine England-san..." he said trying to hide the faint blush on his cheek

"By all means just call me Arthur now..."

"b-but..."

"Anyway may I ask your human name..."

"K-Kiku..."

"Could I call you Kiku..."

"Of course England...I mean Arthur-san..."

"Right anyway I need your help..."

"Yes A-Arthur-san what might it be..."

"We need assistance in destroying the German raiders of the Kaiserliche Marine around Chinese waters"

"Yes I shall do everything I could do to help..."

Japan has done everything he could indeed, first he sent an ultimatum which was unfortunately unanswered, he was forced to declare war on Germany, he was able to surround German territory in china, he seized German island colonies, he even used naval-launched air raids on Shandong province where the German colonies are, but at last he succeeded it took him almost four months, it pained him to be away from his beloved Arthur but it was worth it when a familiar blond haired green eyed figure welcomed him into the ship.

"Arthur-san...my mission is complete..."

"Yes...I can see you`ve tried everything...congratulations..."

That wasn`t the only time Japan has helped England, He even based his navy ships on Singapore so the mutiny of Indian troops against Britain shall be suppressed, he has helped England a lot everything he could do to help, he`ll do it as long as t was requested by England, in the end he was sitting amongst the big four powers in the signing of the treaty of Versailles, not only that rights to Shandong province was given to Japan, also Germany's former Pacific islands were put under a Japanese mandate.

After everything Kiku was sitting beside Arthur on at the tatami mats of his home looking at the stars above.

"Hey Kiku..."

"Yes Arthur-san?"

"I heard that Japanese names always have a meaning..."

"Yes...Why do you ask?"

"What does your name mean..?"

He chuckled but answered his question "My name means Chrysanthemums..."

"Huh you mean those flowers..." he pointed to the Chrysanthemums in the vase at their side.

"yes England-san that`s what my name means..In Chinese their pronounce Ju Hua..."

"It suits you you`re very pretty you know that even prettier than these flowers"

"...A-Arigato Arthur-san..." his face became crimson.

Arthur moves a little closer and gave the other a hug.

"Can I call you my Little Chrysanthemum" he said as he kissed the other on the fore head.

The other simply nodded and tried to hide his blush.

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the treaty slowly demise and this has upset Japan a lot Enough to break his heart into a Million pieces, they were still a treaty of course but it`s not the same since he has to share England`s attention with America-san and France-san, still it did not matter.

"No you bloody Gits my boss told me to have an alliance with him so we can win W.W.I..."

Japan stopped in front of the door.

"So you're playing with him..."

"_oui?_ how long are you going to play along monsieur Japan?"

Japan happened to have came later than expected but it was also a little bit early he was about to open the door to the meeting but he heard them talking about him.

"What do you mean play along you gits..."

"You know what we mean Iggy you told us you only made a treaty with Japan because of the war and your boss told you too..."

"_oui, __Angleterre_ how long do you plan on this charade of love?"

Japan can`t hold it in anymore his heart was breaking; he opened the door everyone seems to be shocked.

"I`m sorry did I disturb you?"

"_Non, mon cher_...um did you happen to hear what we were saying..."

"No why was I supposed to hear..." he was lying but he has to pretend or else he`ll lose him.

"_rien, _it`s nothing anyway should we start, non?"

"yeah let`s start c`mon I ggy"

_They think of me as fool..._

_You shall regret this..._

_I`ll become the strongest empire and have you bow down to me..._

_Anata ga kirai desu..._

_Arthur-san..._

_

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_

The beginning of W.W II has started the allied has been established, Japan was Invited to join but simply decline he has something to do on his own...

"Let us put our differences and hatred that we had gained during our encounter at W.W.I"

"Yes lets we shall see the world revolve among us..."

"Japan we have another ally and he`s N. Italy..."

"Yes I could understand Germany-san...where is he?"

"Umm..."

"ne ne Doitsu he`s so cute..."

"How rude I`m older than you think..."

He was somehow able to move on with Italy and Germany by his side, He has joined the axis powers which were the enemies of the allied upon their first meeting as enemies all of them were shocked.

"K-Kiku..." England said as his eyes widen in shock on his first encounter with his new enemy.

"Irigisu-san you know you have no right to call me by my human name..."

"Ju Hua..." china stepped forward.

"Even you china why do both of you call me by my human name...Irigisu you have no right since you`re the one who used me!"

"P-Pardon me..."

"don`t Lie...I heard you three talk about how long would you play along with me...I gave you my all I left China for your stupid treaty...I helped you in WWI and yet I was merely a toy...you`ve disgraced me...so it was a like when you told me you like me so I would follow you..."

"w-wait Kiku I can explain please just—"

"_URUSAI_!...I will not make the same mistake again Irigisu..."

"What...Ju Hua you left me for..." china looked at the British eyes full of anger and anguish.

"As much as I hate to admit it yes...he played with my heart saying things... so I can be his puppet ...not anymore!"

"E-England is this true..." china asked looking at the guilty English man.

He merely looked away, not looking at the others.

"_sī shēn__ɡ__ z__ǐ__!" _he slapped England across his face "it was your fault why my Ju Hua died..."

"Too late now I have no desire to surrender until my last breath..."

"Don`t say such things Kiku...I Love you I really do please stop this nonsense please...my little Chrysanthemum..."

a sparkle has shown in Japan`s eyes yet suddenly replaced by hate anger pain and vengeance

"_URUSAI_!...I will not be fooled once again...good bye"

Once they were far away from them Japan started to cry.

"Ne ne Japan don`t cry..."

"I`m sorry I can`t stop my tears..."

"look Japan I think he`s telling the truth why don`t you make up ~ve.."

"No the war has begun...I shall not shame myself anymore..."

"As you wish come on Italy we have training..."

"But Doitsu..."

"Leave him alone this is war...emotions cannot interfere..."

"Germany-san is correct Italy...emotions cannot interfere with our work..."

_My heart still beats when I see you..._

_But you used me..._

_You shall regret this Arthur-san..._

_Anata ga kirai desu..._

_demo..._

_Anata o aishiteru..._

_Irigisu..._

_

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_

The war began, blood, rain and mud has mixed together, the cries of the soldiers were covered up by the roar of thunder, crimson red painted the land almost everywhere there was battle everyday it was the same sight Killing, blood war corpses who could watch such thing, everyday was like hell for everyone.

Japan was in the border attacking the British Empire slathering almost everything in sight, he he has lost his sanity thinking of the defeated England, even his heart has turned to stone.

"Kiku, why have you mercilessly killed all those people?...please just surrender so we don`t have to kill you" England begged trying to convince him.

Japan merely laughed at his attempts, his uniform was ruined and cover in crimson, his eyes were murderous and his heart has slowly turned to stone...

"BAKA! Why must I surrender when I`m about to taste Victory..."

"Kiku please can`t you see Germany is falling Italy wasn`t really help so why continue..?"

"What use are they if they were defeated by the likes of you if they are still alive they have no right to call themselves countries..."

"that`s not the Kiku I know please Kiku...stop this nonsense..."

"_URUSAI...BAKA_! CAN`T YOU SEE KIKU HAS DIED LONG AGO!"

"But Kiku..." he tried to reason but failed.

"I have enough please raise your flag if you wish to discontinue..."

"Fine have it your way... I`m sorry..." he whispered.

he shot his gun up in the air minutes later reinforcements have arrive, America`s soldiers it seems, but no America in sight.

"Impressive you got that brat`s soldiers here I`m impressed how long did it take to train them" he said sarcastically almost mocking him.

"Don`t speak of these soldiers like that...they are not tooth picks like yours" he yelled trying to hide his sadness.

"We`ll see" he smirked.

he charged towards them dodging the bullets while attempting to kill those in his way, all he did was dodge, slash, and kill, his once pure white uniform has become a mix of crimson red blood and black mud, the thunder roared at the sight, a pool of crimson red blood was mad and in the middle was the nation Japan.

"Well should I kill that two faced dog Irigisu-san..."

Just as Japan came close but pain hit his abdomen, he was bleeding. Japan knows that something has happened to his Growing Empire, later he felt pain again this time his upper right chests near the heart, it was also bleeding. he`s eyes widen in shock he vomited blood but no bullets were fired, he fell down without a word or protest just tears.

"Oh my god America you Git what did you...?"

England carefully picked the man up gently, carrying him bridal style, he brought him back to allied base. With little consciousness left he opened his eyes to see England carrying him.

"A-Arthur-san..." he said, his voice almost sound like a whisper

"Huh you`re still alive thanks goodness hold on you`ll be ok..." tears filled his eyes tears of joy maybe.

"A-Arthur just kill me now..." he said his voice becoming louder.

he`s eyes widen in shock but shook his head "no you`re not going to die...please I love you ...please don`t leave me..." he begged hugging him tightly.

"Please stop this charade I`m not an idiot and my honour won`t allow me to be alive ...now just Kill me...I have not forgiven you and never will..." he closed his eyes and his breathing suddenly became slower.

"Oh shit! KIKU!"

* * *

**alright get ready for a long author`s note**

_**Translations:**_

_**Anata ga kirai desu – I hate you (Japanese)**_

_**Demo – but/yet (Japanese)**_

_**Anata o aishiteru- I love you (Japanese)**_

_**urusai – shut up (Japanese)**_

_**baka – idiot(Japanese)**_

_**sī shēn**__**ɡ**__** z**__**ǐ**__** – bastard (Chinese)**_

_**rien – nothing g(French)**_

_**Non – no (French)**_

_**mon cher –my dear (French)**_

_**oui – yes (French)**_

_**Angleterre – England (French)**_

**I`m not sure if England really asked Japan to join it`s just a wild guess**

**During WWI**

_**Year 1918**_

**On August 7th 1914, the Japanese government received an official request from the British government for assistance in destroying the German raiders of the Kaiserliche Marine, in and around Chinese waters.**

**Japan sent Germany an ultimatum on August 14th 1914, which was unanswered, and then Japan formally declared war on the German Empire on August 23rd 1914.**

**Japanese forces quickly occupied German-leased territories in the Far East. On September 2nd 1914, Japanese forces landed on China's Shandong Province and surrounded the German settlement at Tsingtao (Kiautschou).**

**During October, acting virtually independently of the civil government, the Japanese navy seized several of Germany's island colonies in the Pacific, the Mariana, Caroline, and Marshal Islands without resistance.**

**The Japanese navy conducted the world's first naval-launched raids against German-held land targets in Shandong province and ships in Qiaozhou Bay from the Japanese seaplane carrier Wakiyama**

**The Siege of Tsingtao was concluded with the surrender of German colonial forces on November 7th 1914.**

_**Year 1915**_

**In February 1915, marines from Imperial Japanese Navy ships based in Singapore helped suppress a mutiny by Indian troops against the British government.**

_**Year 1919**_

**The year 1919 saw Japan sitting among the "Big Four" (Lloyd George, Orlando, Wilson, Clemenceau) powers at the Versailles Peace Conference. Tokyo was granted a permanent seat on the Council of the League of Nations, and the Paris Peace Conference confirmed the transfer to Japan of Germany's rights in Shandong. Similarly, Germany's former Pacific islands were put under a Japanese Mandate, called the South Pacific Mandate. Despite Japan's relatively small role in World War I (and the Western powers' rejection of its bid for a racial equality clause in subsequent Treaty of Versailles), Japan had emerged as a great power in international politics by the close of the war.**

_**year 1921**_

**It was in December 1921 the Four-Power Treaty was signed by Britain, Japan, the USA and France.**

**That should explian all the historical events I used in this chapter...**

**I do not own the info I got it from Wikipedia :P**


	4. Nothing

**Inspired by the:**

**Anglo-Japanese Alliance **

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own hetalia they belong to ****Hidekaz Himaruya**

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He woke up looking at the plain white ceiling in his room...

"Japan you`re awake...quick we better call the others..."

Slowly people came in, familiar people, he just stares at them quietly looking at them with his empty eyes there were at least six of them...

"Kiku you're awake aru..."

"Ne ne Japan I was so worried..."

"Well are you okay..."

"_Oui, mon cher_ you should rest..."

"We thought you were dying da"

"Good to see you`re awake Japan..."

They were talking in chorus but still he does not speak, he does not move, he only looks at them with those empty eyes...

"Would you like a fruit aru...wait I`ll peel one..."

Just as china was about to grab the Knife from the table beside Japan another person opens the door...

"K-kiku..."

England approach the bed, Japan`s eyes filled with hate sadness, despair and anguish, he grabbed the knife and attempted to stab himself but china was able to stop him...

"Kiku...what are you doing aru?" he held him down.

"I WANT TO DIE!" he yelled trying to break free.

"Please stop this nonsense Kiku..." he begged still holding him firmly.

"JUST KILL ME..." he tried all his might but he could not escape.

"Kiku what`s wrong..." he was getting worried what`s happening to his little brother.

"I don`t want to live anymore!..." tears are flowing from his eyes yet he still tries to struggle.

"Hey guys a little help please aru..." he turned his head to the others

china was holding him down everyone came to help except England, he watched from where he`s standing, he never expected Japan`s expression to be like that, Japan was struggling from their hold trying so desperately to garb the knife, America approached him and patted his back...

"Iggy why don`t you go outside a...I don`t think Japan..."

"Yes I understand..."

he opened the door and walked out, looking back in the room he can still hear Japan`s rant and screams, a tear has escaped his eyes as he waited outside the room...

After a while it became quite and America stepped out of the room.

"Well what happened to him?" he sat up ran to his friend.

"Well after a while he calmed down and went to sleep, he must have tiered himself out..." the other replied looking down at the floor.

suddenly china marched out of the room looking very furious he pushed America away and grabbed England's collar pulling him near him so they can see face to face.

"Don`t you dare return here...I don`t want you near my Kiku..."

"Hey china don`t be harsh..."

"shut up...it`s all his fault..." he looked back at England and let go of his collar "GO!"

England followed his order and left but that doesn`t mean he will not visit Japan, everyday he would wait outside the room hiding from China, he would wait until Japan was emotionally stable enough then when china leaves he would go in.

* * *

it seems that Japan was always looking at nowhere, his brown eyes showed nothing in them they were empty no life danced in them, he was alive yet it`s like his soul has died...

"Ge Ge is Kiku-nii okay..." Hong Kong the youngest of them came to Visit.

"Kiku-nii it`s me Mei..." Taiwan ran to her brother.

"Why visit this damn bast-" Korea was about to continue until someone hit him on the head.

"Korea don`t say such things to your brother..." China smacked Korea on the head.

"Why do you forgive him so easily Aniki!"

"It wasn`t his fault he was tricked by that European bastard..."

While Korea and China continued on their argument Hong Kong notice England peeking through the window, Taiwan doesn`t seem to notice.

"Ge Ge I`ll take a little walk if you don`t mind..."

He stepped out of the room and approached England.

"Are you waiting till we leave?"

"umm Hong Kong...well no...I`m waiting until he`s emotionally stable..."

"I see would you like to walk with me?"

They were walking at the garden of the hospital some patients were out having tea or reading book their some visitors who decided to spend some time with their relatives at the garden.

"May I know what have you done to Kiku-nii?"

"Well I have true feelings for him but...my boss..."

He explained everything that happened to them.

* * *

_**Translations:**_

_**Ge Ge – big brother/ brother (Chinese)**_

_**Aniki**_

_**mon cher –my dear (French)**_

_**oui – yes (French)**_


	5. Englands POV

**Inspired by the:**

**Anglo-Japanese **

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own hetalia they belong to ****Hidekaz Himaruya**

**

* * *

**

England and his boss went to visit China`s house for a trade, England has no interest what so ever so he just watched as his boss and china talk to each other.

"So how do you like our trade Sir China?" the other man asked.

"It`s fine I guess" he replied as smoke came out of his pipe, the smell of opium filled the air of the room.

"...O-_Onii-san_ I`ve brought the tea you asked for"

England looked as the sliding door slowly opened to reveal a short man with black hair and dark brown eyes came in, he was holding a tray with tea, he set it down on the small table at the centre of the room.

"Please excuse me..." he said as he left.

"Mr. China I don`t think I`ve seen him before..." England suddenly turns to the Chinese man eyes filled with interest.

"he`s my brother Japan...he`s the second eldest among our family" China replied still smocking opium.

"I think I`ll go get some fresh air please excuse me..." he said as he went out.

He walked out of the front door, he noticed another figure looking up at the stars, and he decided to approach and try to talk to him.

"Hey you're Japan `am I correct"

He approached, Japan has bowed his head, and England felt so happy to be able to talk to the boy alone.

"May I help you with something England-san?" Japan asked.

"no I just want to talk for a while that`s all" he replied.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"How beautiful the stars are tonight maybe?"

They talked about things and England felt closer to Japan, he felt his heart smile and his eyes filled with joy and interest, he was just so interested in the boy that he could stop thinking about him. Hours have passed and his boss came out.

"England we are to leave now" he looked at the other but didn`t bother.

"Yes sir" England replied "well it was nice meeting you Japan"

"Likewise England-san" the other replied bowing his head

He entered the carriage, England couldn`t help but look back as the Image of the Japanese man slowly disappear.

"I see you`ve found interest on China`s sibling" his company asked.

"Yes, he seems to get my attention" he admitted "why do you ask?"

"Well I think he`ll be a perfect ally" the man smirked at the plan but England showed no interest but his eyes show worry.

"But I do not think his brother will allow him to be independent better yet have allies" he tried to reason out but failed.

"Well I think you should wrap him around your finger and see what will happen"

He was afraid of this, using the others feelings for something like "but don`t you think that`s a bit off playing with his feelings like a toy...he has feelings too you know like how I-"

"ARTHUR! that`s enough"

England shut his mouth but continue to protest in his mind, he will keep his feelings hidden inside he cannot disobey, even if it hurts him if it`s for his country he must do this even if it means losing his will to live.

the next visit England slowly tried to gain the other`s affection ever since, and soon on one of his visits he decided to talk it over Japan.

"Japan why don`t you leave china alone and have an alliance with me..." England suggested the second they became alone.

"b-but England-san I cannot do such thing he`s my brother...my family I cannot just abandon him..." Japan replied looking down at the floor.

England bit his lip he`s feeling guilty but he knows he can`t let emotions take control.

"Look he`s falling and if he`s family why are you the only one who takes responsibility...I mean look at him he`s just sitting there smoking opium..."

Kiku lift his head, he could tell the other felt frustrated and angered at the same time,

"How dare you say such things first you made him addicted to opium then you made him trade with you for opium now...you`re saying he`s worthless because he`s smoking opium" Japan was clenching his fist and trying so hard to be calm as possible "he wouldn't be like that if you haven`t done it to him..."

"Why don`t we become partners..."

"Don`t say it I`m not going be a fool like _chigoku_..." he murmured

"please Japan think about it he`s been keeping you all in this cage for what... " he slowly approached him but the other backed away. "Don`t you want to taste freedom..."

the other still has he`s eyes fixed on the floor still not looking up, England tried to approach but still the other backed away.

"You know...I like you..." he said as he moved closer.

this time the Asian froze on the spot so he took the opportunity and lifted the other`s face so they can make eye contact, their faces were only Inches apart , he felt like leaning over and give him a kiss but he can`t let anything ruin their plans not even his heart.

"So Japan form an alliance with me and break away from this man"

"...S-_Sumimasen_..."

"You know you`re a powerful country..."

"..."

"I know you can make it without China" he smiled at him, a fake smile "... I know you`ll make a perfect Empire..."

He let go of Japan and went back inside feeling guilt shower over his body.

* * *

Why did I do that he was so innocent

"_Look he`s falling and if he`s family why are you the only one who takes responsibility...I mean look at him he`s just sitting there smoking opium..."_

it was my fault why his brother is like that but still I said something like that

"_Why don`t we become partners..."_

I want to become partners but still I lied to him...

"_please Japan think about it he`s been keeping you all in this cage for what... "_

Yes he is trapped in that cage but still I`m forced to turn him into a puppet...

"_Don`t you want to taste freedom..."_

Even if he makes an alliance with me he still won't be free...

"_You know...I like you..."_

I really like him but I only told him that so he`ll form and alliance

what he said to him that day repeats in his head he knows he was going to only use him but still He felt shame and guilt, Japan doesn`t know anything about this and yet...

* * *

Years have passed and he received note that Japan was willing to form and alliance. The signing was held in London both countries have signed it and soon they were allies; Japan would help England while England would help him.

After the Russo-Japanese war England was ordered to ask Japan for help for W.W.I

"Japan...so nice of you to come..." he said looking up from the book he`s been reading.

"It`s fine England-san..." he said trying to hide the faint blush on his cheek

"By all means just call me Arthur now..."

"b-but..."

"Anyway may I ask your human name..."

"K-Kiku..."

"Could I call you Kiku..."

"Of course England-...I mean Arthur-san..."

"Right anyway I have asked for your help..."

"Yes A-Arthur-san what might it be..."

"We need assistance in destroying the German raiders of the Kaiserliche Marine in and around Chinese waters"

"Yes I shall do everything I could do to help..."

England sat back waiting for Japan to finish he was worried what might happen to his dear Kiku, after receiving word Japan has succeed he went off to congratulate him himself. Four months, it pained him to be away from his beloved Kiku but it was worth it when a familiar black haired man with brown eyes approached the ship.

"Arthur-san...my mission is complete..."

"Yes..I can see you`ve tried everything...congratulations..."

that wasn`t the only time Japan has helped him a lot during W.W.I, yet he felt pain to see that innocent smile on Japan`s face the felt guilty on tricking the boy, he even had to bury his own feeling deep within his heart.

After everything he was sitting beside Kiku on at the tatami mats of Japan`s home looking at the stars above.

"Hey Kiku..."

"Yes Arthur-san?"

"I heard that Japanese names always have a meaning..."

"Yes...Why do you ask?"

"What does your name mean...?"

He chuckled but answered his question "My name means Chrysanthemums..."

"Huh you mean those flowers..." he pointed to the Chrysanthemums in the vase at their side.

"yes England-san that`s what my name means..In Chinese their pronounce Ju Hua..."

"It suits you you`re very pretty you know that even prettier than these flowers"

"...A-Arigato Arthur-san..." his face became crimson.

He moves a little closer and gave the other a hug.

"Can I call you my Little Chrysanthemum" he said as he kissed the other on the fore head.

The other simply nodded and tried to hide his blush.

* * *

the treaty slowly demise, he felt so guilty that`s why he became distant, he knows Japan`s feeling upset but he can`t take Lying to him anymore, they were still a treaty of course but it`s not the same since he has signed a treaty with America and France.

"Hey you really like Japan, right Iggy?"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"oui, the way you look at him it`s love"

"No you bloody Gits my boss told me to have an alliance with him so We can win W.W.I..."

He felt guilty about saying that but he knows deep down he loves him.

"So you're playing with him.."

"oui? How long are you going to play along monsieur Japan?"

"What do you mean play along you gits..."

"You know what we mean Iggy you told us you only made a treaty with Japan because of the war and your boss told you too..."

"oui, Angleterre how long do you plan on this charade of love?"

The door open they were all shocked when they saw it was Japan.

"I`m sorry did I disturb you?"

"Non, mon cher...um did you happen to hear what we were saying..."

"No why was I supposed to hear.."

"_rien, _it`s nothing anyway should we start, non?"

"yeah let`s start c`mon I ggy"

The meeting continued he couldn`t help but feel guilt...

_I`m sorry Kiku..._

_Whatever I said to them was only half the truth..._

_I know I lied to you but..._

_In truth..._

_I love you..._

_

* * *

_

The beginning of W. has started the allied has been established, Japan was Invited to join but simply decline.

"Really are you sure Kiku"

"Yes Arthur-san but if you ever need my help just say so..."

"Alright well be careful"

"I will...Arthur-san..."

He has joined the allied powers which were the enemies of the axis upon their first meeting as enemies all of them were shocked.

"K-Kiku..." England said as his eyes widen in shock on his first encounter with his new enemy.

"Irigisu-san you know you have no right to call me by my human name..."

"Ju Hua..." china stepped forward.

"Even you china why do both of you call me by my human name...Irigisu you have no right since you`re the one who used me!"

"P-Pardon me..."

"don`t Lie...I heard you three talk about how long would you play along with me...I gave you my all I left China for your stupid treaty...I helped you in WWI and yet I was merely a toy...you`ve disgraced me...so it was a like when you told me you like me so I would follow you..."

"w-wait Kiku I can explain please just—"

"_URUSAI_!...I will not make the same mistake again Irigisu..."

"What...Ju Hua you left me for..." china looked at the British eyes full of anger and anguish.

"As much as I hate to admit it yes...he played with my heart saying things... so I can be his puppet ...not anymore!"

"E-England is this true..." china asked looking at the guilty English man.

He merely looked away, not looking at the others.

"_sī shēn__ɡ__ z__ǐ__!" _he slapped England across his face "it was your fault why my Ju Hua died..."

"Too late now I have no desire to surrender until my last breath..."

"Don`t say such things Kiku...I Love you I really do please stop this nonsense please ...my little Chrysanthemum..."

he noticed a sparkle has shown in Japan`s eyes yet suddenly replaced by hate anger pain and vengeance.

"_URUSA_I!...I will not be fooled once again...good bye"

As they left England couldn`t help but cry.

"Hey Iggy look...why don`t you just forget about him..."

"No look at him...his eyes their different...and it`s all my fault..."

_My little __Chrysanthemum has died_

_

* * *

_

The war began, blood, rain and mud has mixed together, the cries of the soldiers were covered up by the roar of thunder, crimson red painted the land almost everywhere there was battle everyday it was the same sight Killing, blood war corpses who could watch such thing, everyday was like hell for everyone.

He watched as his beloved Japan was in the border attacking the British Empire slathering almost everything in sight, he has stepped forward.

"Kiku, why have you mercilessly killed all those people?...please just surrender so we don`t have to kill you" England begged trying to convince him.

Japan merely laughed at his attempts, his uniform was ruined and cover in crimson, his eyes were murderous and his heart has slowly turned to stone...

"_BAKA_! Why must I surrender when I`m about to taste Victory..."

"Kiku please can`t you see Germany is falling Italy wasn`t really help so why continue..?"

"What use are they if they were defeated by the likes of you if they are still alive they have no right to call themselves countries..."

"that`s not the Kiku I know please Kiku...stop this nonsense..."

"_URUSAI...BAKA_! CAN`T YOU SEE KIKU HAS DIED LONG AGO!"

"But Kiku..." he tried to reason but failed.

"I have enough please raise your flag if you wish to discontinue..."

"Fine have it your way... I`m sorry..." he whispered.

he shot his gun up in the air minutes later reinforcements have arrive, America`s soldiers it seems, but no America in sight.

"Impressive you got that brat`s soldiers here I`m impressed how long did it take to train them" he said sarcastically almost mocking him.

"Don`t speak of these soldiers like that...they are not tooth picks like yours" he yelled trying to hide his sadness.

"We`ll see" he smirked.

he watched as Kiku swings his sword killing the soldiers, he has no mercy, he felt himself shake, tears filled his eyes as he watched that sweet smile turn into a devious grin, blood and black mud, the thunder roared at the sight, a pool of crimson red blood was mad and in the middle was the nation Japan.

"Well should I kill that two faced dog Irigisu-teme..."

He watched as Japan came close but pain he suddenly stopped,. Japan's eyes widen in shock he was bleeding and vomited blood but no bullets were fired, he fell down without a word or protest just tears.

"Oh my god America you Git what did you...?"

England carefully picked the man up gently, carrying him bridal style, he brought him back to allied base. Japan opened his eyes and looked at England.

"A-Arthur-san..." he said, his voice almost sound like a whisper

"Huh you`re still alive thanks goodness hold on you`ll be ok..." tears filled his eyes tears of joy.

"A-Arthur just kill me now..." he said his voice becoming louder.

he`s eyes widen in shock but shook his head "no you`re not going to die...please I love you ...please don`t leave me..." he begged hugging him tightly.

"Please stop this charade I`m not an idiot and my honor won`t allow me to be alive ...now just Kill me...I have not forgiven you and never will..." he closed his eyes and his breathing suddenly became slower.

"Oh shit! KIKU!"

He ran to his camp, upon arrival he yelled orders quick we got to bring him to a hospital immediately, his soldiers stare at him with confusion why help an enemy they thought, England was furious at them.

"Damn it if he dies I`ll shoot you all now Just hurry"

The soldier did as what they are told and an Injured France approached.

"Arthur, _mon cher_ what happened..?"

"I don`t know but I bet America knows something..."

Japan was brought to a hospital and that`s where America met up with England and France.

"What happened?"

"You git that was what I`m supposed to ask you"

"What do you—"

"What did you do to Japan's country?"

"We bombed him..."

"What you...why did-"

"Look he was unstoppable my boss told me he`ll be fine..."

"You idiot Just look at him..."

"calm down he`s in the emergency room let`s just wait, _oui?_..."

England waited for a week in the hotel he was staying everyone celebrated the victory of W. except England he waited for the phone to ring and the doctor to call, even china was worried the celebration wasn`t as joyful as they thought.

* * *

_**Translations:**_

_**Anata ga kirai desu – I hate you (Japanese)**_

_**urusai – shut up (Japanese)**_

_**baka – idiot(Japanese)**_

_**sī shēn**__**ɡ**__** z**__**ǐ**__** – bastard (Chinese)**_

_**rien – nothing g(French)**_

_**Non – no (French)**_

_**mon cher –my dear (French)**_

_**oui – yes (French)**_

_**Angleterre – England (French)**_

_**chigoku – china (Japanese)**_

_**Sumimasen – Pardon me/I`m sorry (Japanese)**_

_**Onii-san – big brother/brother (Japanese)**_

_**Ju Hua –**__** Chrysanthemums**__** ( Kiku`s name in Chinese since Kiku means **__**Chrysanthemums)**_

**right so this is England`s POV**_**  
**_


	6. A wish

**Inspired by the:**

**Anglo-Japanese Alliance**

**Disclaimer:**

**I do not own hetalia they belong to ****Hidekaz Himaruya**

**

* * *

**

After a while of playing hide and seek he decided to show himself in front of Japan, that night when china went home he went inside Japan`s room, he was cautions just in case Japan might lose it luckily Japan just stared blankly at him.

"Hey Kiku I brought some Chrysanthemums..."

Still the other does not reply, he only looks at him with those empty dead eyes.

"Hey look I know you won`t forgive me I just want to say I love you..."

The other does not move, nor does it speak, his eye does not show life.

"I`m sorry..." a tear escape his eyes it lands on the other`s hand.

_It`s so dark..._

_I`m better off here anyway..._

_what`s this water..._

_it`s wet and warm..._

_Is it a tear..._

_Who could be crying for me..._

when Arthur woke up it was early, he fell asleep watching Japan, this time Japan`s eyes are closed, he strokes the other`s hair and kisses his forehead.

"I`ll be back tonight..." he said as he left.

Hour later china arrives along with the others...

"aru? Who left theses flowers?" china asked holding a bouquet of Chrysanthemums.

"Maybe someone came to visit da" Russia suggested still putting on his childish smile.

"Must be England..." Alfred suggested.

"Japan we came to visit ~ve" Italy said as he approached Japan`s bed.

"that`s right...we came to see you" Germany assured him.

"The doctor said Japan is stable enough to get out of the hospital" Francis announced.

Everybody turned their heads to Francis, other gave him puzzling looks, and china gave a worried look while Russia was still smiling.

"Who can take care of Japan?" Italy asked.

"aiya I can`t I still have Korea who wants to beat up Japan aru" China said looking disappointed and worried.

"I`ll do it da" Russia offered smiling as usual.

"No way we don`t trust you" America snapped, Russia looked disappointed for a while.

"oui, I still have problems of my own" Francis replied.

"Well Italy can`t be of any help and I have to take care of Italy"

Germany said.

"Well that leaves me and Iggy"

"No way `am I leaving that _sī shēn__ɡ__ z__ǐ_ to take care of my Ju Hua" China spat still furious at England`s actions before.

"Fine I`ll do it..." America offered looking a bit troubled.

* * *

when all of that was decided America took Japan in and took care of him, of course England found out about it and always comes to visit Japan at America`s house.

"Alfred are you home?" England knocked on America`s door.

"Coming...coming..." America opened the door and gave England a warm smile "I know you`d visit"

"How's Kiku?"

"he`s doing fine although I always have problems finding out what`s he thinking"

"so he`s still not moving?"

"Yup" there was a hint of sadness in his eyes yet he hides it with a smile "he must have suffered a lot"

"and It`s all my fault..."

there was silence until they reached the guess room where Japan is staying, it`s been years since Japan has become quite and motionless, his eyes still show nothing in them, empty as a shell.

"Hey Kiku I brought some Chrysanthemums...maybe if you`re feeling well we can look at the stars"

silence was the other`s only reply...

"Hey if you like we can play with pochi when you get well...don`t worry China took the liberty of taking care of pochi for you..."

he started to cry again holding the other`s hand near his face...

"Kiku please...do something...smile cry move please..."

Alfred left the room leaving them alone, he has seen this scene almost every day, Arthur would visit with Chrysanthemums or cherry blossoms at his hands then he would tell stories or talk to the other man then cry holding or hugging the other tightly.

after a while Alfred decide to check up on Arthur, yet again he cried himself to sleep still holding the others hand, he takes out a spare blanket and wraps it on England then leaves the room.

"Oh I`ve must have fallen asleep, what time is it" he checks the clock on the wall it was only 8pm "hey Kiku would you like to go out and look at the stars" he asked as he lifted the other up bridal style.

He only carried the other to the gardens; he sat the other on the bench and took off his coat putting it on the other.

"You might get cold..." he said sitting beside the other then pulling him close for a hug. "Kiku when will you move..."

He cried again, suddenly he saw a falling star.

"Hey Kiku make a wish" he made a wish himself wishing that the other would move soon. "did you make a wish...I hope it comes true..." his tears dripped unto the other`s head.

_What`s this..._

_Another tear..._

_Who could be crying..._

"Please move..."

_That voice_

Kiku please

_I`ve heard that voice before_

"I`m sorry..."

_Is he crying for me?_

"I love you..."

_I love you too_

"Kiku I`m sorry..." he suddenly felt something wipe his tear, it was soft and cold but it did it gently and with worry.

"A-Arthur...-san..."

He turned to see the other wiping away his tears looking at him with sadness and worry.

"K-Kiku..." he was speechless "Are you Ok?"

"Did you mean what you say?" the other asked looking at him "Or are you playing with me?"

"No I mean it I never intended to do that but my boss he just-" he started to weep again still hugging the other.

"I understand please don`t cry..." Japan said wiping another tear on the man`s face "I forgive you"

"I love you..." he said hugging the other tightly.

"Anata o aishiteru...Arthur-san" Kiku replied as tears flowed down his cheeks.

Arthur pulled away slightly and cupped the other`s cheek, slowly leaning over for a Kiss, Kiku closed his eyes, their lips met and it was sweet and gentle, it was passionate and strong, they Kissed under the moonlight surrounded by wonderful flowers, their hearts beat at the same time, finally their pain and anguish is gone all that`s left is love and joy.

* * *

_**I hope you liked it...**_

_**It`s my first time writing something like this**_

_**I tried to make this dramatic as possible**_

_**I also tried to make this my best work yet**_

_**This is based on some fanfics, Tributes, manga, historical events and Info I have read or watched.**_

_**Please go easy on the reviews this is my first time writing something so dramatic...**_

_**Translations:**_

_**sī shēn**__**ɡ**__** z**__**ǐ**__** – bastard (Chinese)**_

_**Anata o aishiteru- I love you (Japanese) **_

_**Ok people keep thinking that china has a grudge against Japan**_

_**So I decided to change that into my Fanfic**_

_**nothing special it`s just that almost every fanfic I read about Japan and China, some state that china hates Japan...**_

_**Also some say England was the one who persuade Japan to leave china**_

_**so well that`s how my work ended up**_

_**I thank those who continue to support ASAKIKU...**_

_**- :) **_


End file.
